Messi and Ronaldo's thoughtful debate on who is better

messi vs ronaldo competition

With el Clasico less than a week away and both Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo in superhuman form at the moment, it's high time the never-ending debate over who is better finally gets settled. The following is a transcript of how we imagine the verbal smackdown between the two footballers themselves would go. 
Ronaldo: I'll start -- I'm better. Leo has a cheap haircut. I win.
Messi: But I won the Ballon d'Or.
Ronaldo: I won it before you so that makes me better. Also, I've been with a bucket load of famous hotties and I'm pretty sure you're a virgin.
Messi: Haha what's that? Like olive oil?
Pele: Heeeeeey what's going on in here, guys?
Ronaldo: This doesn't concern you, old man!
Pele: OK!
[Pele gives thumbs up, holds a football to his head]
Messi: I scored three goals against Almeria over the weekend!
Ronaldo: Almeria stink. I scored three goals against Athletic Bilbao. And I scored a goal at the World Cup.
Messi: Yeah, with your back. You looked like a seal hahaha.
Ronaldo: Don't laugh at me! You will marvel at my abs!
Messi: Can't, sorry. Too busy playing with my millions of Legos that you don't have.
Ronaldo: Why would I want Legos? I have a baby. And his name is also Cristiano. Because that is the best name. Just ask science. 
Messi: Maradona says that science is a lie like Italian taxes and talking monkeys.
Ronaldo: I just talked to Maradona the other day and he said I'm better than you. He also said that you smell like goat cheese.
Messi: I petted a goat once!
Ronaldo: I petted Paris Hilton once. 
Messi: This is stupid. We can both be the best, Cristiano. I really don't think it's possible to say one of us is better than the other. We're both really good and we should just appreciate that.
Ronaldo: No.
Messi: Oh. Then lets ask Mr. Pele. Mr. Pele, who is the best, me or Cristiano?
Pele: Heeeeeeey! Gareth Bale.
Gareth Bale: Yes! Wales!